discouraged...

please... i beg you... don't make it worse than it already is...

please...

then only did i realise... even though i was always the one shouting at people and making fun of them... i was always the one who would always give encouragement too...

when would i get the encouragement and praise i so need... and deserve...?

why is nothing i do ever noted...? you COULD tell others you know...

you know... they go out to get mail... and you ask if they did send anything for you on the way... it's only right that they should...

"yea.. but i send only the little little things"... but you're thankful they did you a favour any how....

little little things...? so you go check the out tray... WHAT LITTLE LITTLE THINGS..? EVERY DAMN THING IS STILL THERE...! and there you see them holding on to a card and reading it in the distance...

oh... no wonder... went out to get his damn card... he had a damn card...

it's absolute nonsense....

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nvm... you tell yourself... it's already 1710hrs... and people are waiting... so you rush through RO... and you get it signed...

then you continue looking for that lost document... finding it... you rush back to office only to find it locked... you call the friend holding the key... and he'll open it later... so you rush to dinner then... only to find that your friends are all happily eating and finishing their meals... and you... have just only caught your breath for the day...

it's absolute nonsense...

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you go back to office (of course your friend didn't come to open it... you went and got another key yourself...) pack up the documents into piles you can recognise... and get out... only to find the officers needing to use the system... well okay... no problem... duh... sigh... so you stay behind...

the time reads 1800hrs... it's been a long day and you're tired... so you use the office com while waiting for the officers... then fire up facebook...

and STARE IN DISBELIEF... you really can't understand the status messages before you... why... WHY?!?!

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1830hrs... they're finally done.... you hurriedly pack up... return the key... and run up to the bunk... you're looking for answers... more importantly... or at least some encouragement at the end of a fucked up day....

you know... i tried... but thanks alot for just slamming the door right in my face... it was really just what i needed... thanks again...

i can understand... but that's not how we treat friends...

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being scared... being disappointed... no... that's just an understatement... i'm really only 2-3 things or 1 massive thing away from just giving the hell up...