what's my reason now...?

i know the amazing lengths we would go... but something like that coming from you...? man... that sucks...
you really sure that's what you want...?


one moment he was doing his best to "help"... (which i throughly appreciated... even though i said nothing)... and the next... erm... hello? hello? RESPOND PLS!!!


so... what's my reason now...?

something to let me know i'm doing the right thing... and to encourage it... to make it worthwhile...

okay lar... i might have shot myself in the foot somewhere along the way...


forget it... let's just say... i was shocked... and a little worried for you...

anyways... i really hope i don't have to come back here and say... "i told you so..."



btw... i would remind you to look out for the longkang or the lampost in front of you... lest you hurt yourself while daydreaming or visualising... seeing as how you are on lofty heights... and talking out of your ass... blowing nothing but hot air....

you talk about stuff you have no knowledge or comprehension of... bleah... your ideas got outdated last century... no need to "see" already... know what you should be doing in that instant... and get on it...

need to think of the pass... "see" the pass... ball get stolen liao la... worse still... "see" liao... still cannot pass properly...

nowadays it's split-second decisions and telepathy... already knowing how it should go...

WAKE UP PLS... NEWCASTLE!!

for the lack of better words...

think i've kinda got it down as to the real reason... i understand why... it's not that i can't let go... i know i already have... but it sort of like... i can't accept it... well... there's a difference...

i can't... and won't accept that it went down like that... i'm utterly speechless about the outcome... i think that says enough what i think of it... but the process... well that... i have a bone to pick with...

it's like playing winning eleven with the cuz... i lose only because of 2 factors... one being luck... two being game mechanics... lol... or so i choose to believe... but i seriously think it applies here too...

because as far as i'm concerned... what i've seen is total fakeness... and nothing an exaggerated act... but apparently some people are still oblivious to such things... or maybe they just choose to... i don't know...

i just get a little irked everytime i see it... especially when the attempted vocab comes into play... not that my england beri gud... but if chiu ish dunno how to use... dun try to be a sexpert and anihow use can...? ish irritating de lor...



bleah...

why newcastle won't put enrique at left back...?

why newcastle continue to employ smith anywhere near the stadium... much less the freakin field... (apparently the new jinx... successor to luque)...?

why emre continues to be left out... when KK has already said we need creative options... and he is the ONLY option...?

why viduka is no where to be seen... also the viduka we have can't hold the ball up for nuts...? (to think i had gone to the sg vs aus match to scout and send the report back...)

why any defender that comes to newcastle immediately flops...?



sorry... i'm kinda just still reeling from hearing an indian... or at least i think it is... sing YUI's song... (offically no. 473291843 on my list of things i want to forget)

rubbing it in yer face....

guess that was the order of the day wasn't it....?

singing...shouting... basically... gloating...

importantly... you did have the friend support i suppose... can't deny that... it's as the spice girls used to say...

well what can i say... just go ahead and rub it in...




newcastle... come on....!

oh and here's something else... rolling star remixed...

okkayyy lar... i quite like trance stuff... just that always kena headache afterwards... lol... but anyways it's YUI!! <3 <3 <3

it gets a 6/10 from me...

your thoughts...?

the innocence of inspiration....

suffice to say... the inspiration is gone...
and so is the innocence...

or did i lack it in the first place...?

(seriously... if anyone knows what i'm talking about... please explain it back to me...)

point blank... do i want to go overseas...? OF COURSE NOT... but certainly things aren't that easy... are they...?

i don't know how to lie... i can't go up to the doctor and say i'll have anxiety attacks or something...

but i'm kinda happy that some at hqsa have asked me not to go... it's nice to feel needed... albeit for "selfish" reasons la... lol... clement 'cos he's going for his op... nicholas 'cos i can help with his work... and kelvin... so i can buy breakfast for him.... wahaa...

but other than that... i don't really know... maybe they are already expecting me to go... made plans already... and i'd hate to disappoint... or scupper their plans... and to a certain extent... i get the feeling that they'd prefer my absence...

does it really matter what i want...? doctor never ask lor... if he ask... i will say don't want mah...!

not that soon anyways... march dental... can anyone say jasmine jie jie...??? then april... then may... well... thereabouts...

nothing's set yet... but it's planned... more than enough time to develop some panic / anxeity attacks...

what say you..?

you who was the reason all this came about in the first place...

keeping my feet on the ground.... i know how much i'm worth...

"advice" i gave a long time ago came back to haunt me... of course hindsight is a beautiful thing... and it wasn't worth it at all...

i realised i couldn't lie to save my own life... much less impress...


used to wonder why people kept rambling on the same subject time after time... even when it was plainly clear to see that no matter how much was said... things still wouldn't change...

then they say they want to forget it happened and move on.... yea the irony...

don't know about others... but personally i find it helps to constantly get stuff off your chest... whatever bugs you... whatever is dragging you down and keeping you there... just write it down... and you'll find it helps to lighten the load off your mind... allowing to process the next train of thoughts more efficiently... you'll know what you should be doing next... enabling one to sleep much better...

of course the same thoughts keep coming back la... but time heals all wounds doesn't it...? as YUI so aptly sings it... it's all right...

everything will be right... soon or later...



i had wanted to leave to just to see if things could be different for once... an ending that i'd love just for once... but now... i still want to leave... just to get away from it all... i need my distance to forget...



thanks to reu for being the first to use moi chatbox... lol... continue to sappork lah... others rip lai also... comes comes... lol

wasn't very happy with my last post... how and what i wrote didn't really echo my feelings at that moment back to myself when i re-read it later...

promise i'll do better the next time...

what's the next move....?

i suppose we all make our choices at some point... (blinded?)
and now even you are getting into it...
but as long as it rocks your boat yea...?

i just wish it was some novelty...


it's been relatively long since i wrote something... had some stuff kept up i thought i'd share... but i guess it doesn't really matter now... basically i don't know who is who anymore...

i tried to take it slow... but i guess we all know how that turned out...

and i hate it...



edmw finally had a proper chiobu for once.... lol... u know... long hair... and really nice big... erm... EYES!!... and not fat fat hor... but baby chubby fat... omg!! is nice de lor... you got to see her for yourself la... lol... at least it's something to make a long slow day better la... but but... still YUI teh best k....!

it's about close to 2 months already at hq sa... more or less settled in quite nicely ... i know where to go and what to do when i'm bored to pass time... instead of watching glue dry in the past... but all good things have to come to an end...

the ffi finally caught up with me today... was told to go by today la... so i passed it... no big surprises there... can pack bag get ready to go i guess... it's times like this i really wish you were still here... well you are... sort of... but... you know what i mean la...




just abit of randomness... changed my wallpaper from haruhi to the new YUI winter cd sleeve... wahh... can stare at it all day also won't get tired.... :P now i just wish younha would release some stuff too...

can you say... DISAPPOINTED...?

pff... a little uptight are we...?

such a simple thing... yet... yet... it was as if it only belonged to you alone... personally... i thought you tried a little too hard...

but what i saw was strange in a way i can't describe... i couldn't really tell from the eyes...


newcastle utd... the "entertainers"... you score 3... we'll score 4... and just for the fun of it... thunderbolts from 20-30 meters out... intricate passing and shearer to finish with aplomb... the all out attack... the shots on goal far more than the opponents'... neutral fans and even opposing fans would stand amazed at our style and class...

but how did it go so wrong...?

owen scores in the 4th min... YAY!... half time... 1-0... by full time... 1-4... a total of 5 shots on goal to aston villa's 14... don't even get me started on the shots on target...

can you say DISAPPOINTED...?



"yui" restaurant... well i guess expectations were high... too bad it had to be named after dear YUI... uncle's shawn's idea... anyways... so lets see...

small restaurant.... simple but nice decor... but what in the world is michael buble and john mayor doing on the big screen and singing through the speakers...?? where's YUI...? where's a simple jap song.....? heck i'd take ayumi or even perfect 10 anyday....

the all important aspect... erm... i'll be straight... the food sucked... dry... salty... eh... katsu curry from a packet of seasoning... 'nuf said...

at least the service was good... friendly staff... constantly on the ball to top up tea and clear plates.... but still...

hmm... green tea cheese cake anyone...?

that's the last of "yui" restaurant for us i guess....

was my treat la... damage...? 60 bucks... less than what i expected to pay though...

can you say DISAPPOINTED...?



haiz... nmnhnlm...

can you say... DISAPPOINTED...?



edit: wah lau.... i was joking about the nmnhnlm part la... zzzz

i wanna be..... the director..?

hmmm... the namidairo music video wasn't that nice... i could have done a better job la... still had the basic elements though... YUI sitting down looking a little sad... later had her walking through the streets abit lost... and then a bit of water to give the impression of rain... 6.5/10 la... only because it's YUI... <3 !!




oh and YUI's other song on her new single... i wanna be... okay la... should be quite addictive once it grows on you... starting abit like cloudy sia...

anyways not too bad a single i guess... one song to feel emo... another song to encourage oneself...

it can only be YUI!!

that's how it always goes isn't it...?

so that's how it always goes isn't it...?

my... i would have given an arm and a leg just for it...


read it too fast the first time round...

argh... those intentions and warnings should be made bigger la...

i guess if it clicks... it simply clicks...

and have a taste of what's to come...

if you know what i mean...

since YUI's a fan... i shall try to be one too...!

Avril Lavigne jie jie!!

lol...

pretty good live acoustic perf on a jap show...



one of her better songs la... her emo ones quite nice... otherwise usually quite -_-.... this sounds quite like something YUI would do mah... :P

i mean... seriously...?

think he knew it long ago already... but just pretended not to in front of me... otherwise why the borrowing / returning...? lets see if he asks later on...

i wanted so much to double click just now... but.... my guess was you wouldn't be interested anyways... so wat the heck...

given half-day off today... but not to go home relac la... is to go collect some stuff for office and also to recce for ms office 2003...

long and tiring journey from khatib all the way to boon keng... and then from there to SLS... my choice would have been to go funan... but 'smoke god'... lol okay la... yan shen said he wanted to try SLS anyways...

so walked around... didn't find anything... one of the shops told us why this was so... then we just walked on... went to the top floor and spotted ms office 97... yan shen was kinda desperate already... said he didn't mind it at all... as that was the version he was currently using... o_O... so asked if we could reserve it... the daughter said pay deposit... and then later can return if don't want... lol... until the mother stopped her and told her that deposits are always non-refundable... she continued and said that what if some one else wanted to buy it.... she wouldn't be able to sell it... and still got to return deposit... then lose business mah...

I MEAN..... SERIOUSLY....?

okayyyy... never mind the deposit / business lesson for the daughter... nvm that you're on the top floor in some ulu corner... you're telling me someone else wants office 97...? come on la... it looks like it's been sitting there neglected for the past 11 years... lol... think through your brain first leh... and you quoting $100 leh... so i just told yan shen to walk out and come back another day... i'm sure it'll still be sitting there in that same dusty old corner...

the daughter had to even call her father up to ask about the price of the proggie... and i think the father just pulled some number out of his posterior... who in the world still looks to BUY office 97...?

yan shen said had might try funan another day... hopefully i get to go too... i'll be looking at psp and ps3 though... :P




coming sunday lunch with uncle shawn at "yui" restaurant.... shiok mans.... looking forward... lol... then go back church and mebbe catch the other team in action... and see if "yui" cries... hope not.... but jr not there to make it happen la... lol...

what's the score again?

1-0 duh? need you ask?

think out of the box and understand what i have been trying to say all this while...

played the killtime game at church on sunday... learnt that i'm a genius... actually i already knew that long ago... lol... anyways... and also that i'm only 100 secs away from being a US Air Force pilot... yea... well... so are the chors and olivia... and after many many tries... finally reuben too.... no one has broken the 22 sec mark though...


condolences to mdm diana... and hope clement gets well soon... DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE FOR REGISTRY!!! eh but i'm teh boss!


it's okay... i finally know what's the score again... and where you plan to head from here on... happy for you... i think that's why i don't get the lame questions or be requested to invite again...

i maybe overtly sensitive or wrong... but i think that he's trying to provoke me into saying something...

am i that dumb? (crap... i just did)



happy new year in advance.... in case i don't feel like doing it later...

realisation...

or maybe i'm just not cut out for this at all...

but i still hold on to the past...

believing and hoping...

finally met up with ben... daniel and ghim hong... went out to eat... drink... eat... and of course talk and catch up about army life... comparing our vocations... lol... not too bad a day...



you know... as i walked along today... looking around... the suppressed realisation that i had kept for so long slowly started to surface...

it's true isn't it...? that i'm not cut out for this... everyone has their fair share of help and support from others... but do i...?

it was never going to happen... but if only He had spent a little more time...

'cos life's nothing more than like a quarter of a fish and three quarters of a duck rite now... and i don't see it getting any better...

saturday rants....

almost 2 weeks on... all the quietness...

actions (or the lack thereof)... speaks louder than words...

so this speaks volumes doesn't it...?

it's come to a point where i hope i don't see you at all... at least there's a legitimate excuse...

*wonders if you start them more or he starts them more....*
but edmw-ers tell the truth like it is... 'cos it doesn't matter how busy one is... time can still be found... you know it... i know it...

maybe it was the idea all along... looking back... things were really a little too smoothly laid out before me... i was apprehensive of course... but slight pushes every now and then... made it seem so encouraging... well... you know the rest...

but it never did cross my mind that the same stuff could be happening on the other side....



whats up with all that obsession to improve?

it's right to want more though... but let's have fun in the process... don't make it so regimental... so spiritual...

lets enjoy ourselves... love what we do... be happy as we learn and play together... don't wanna see people going to another room to cry... quarrel or whatever...

sub in "yui" ya?... lol... for the good of everyone... :P

joking!!



losing patience with newcastle... rozehnal out on loan... you guys take the cake... wise move already... pardon the pun...