it was the simplest of things after all....

well... of course it hurts la... it's all in the details isn't it...?

hmm... one was being postive... and the other... brutally negative (honest?)...


yea... the similarities... yea very suay... but den again... look who's talking... walk a step in my shoes before you make comments like that wad... though it's a fact... :(


you don't need me to tell you things like that are sort of expected rite...? but probably i was wrong then... it didn't matter....


so i really don't know if i should... but... i want to...

we'll see...

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past week was CNY break... so started watching hot shot... what kind of ending is that...?

and the whole 東方翔 and 潔兒 thing was pretty touching la... but i guess it only happens in shows... 'cos how do you get some one to love you like that...?

sigh...



it was the simplest of things after all....

the concept of time...

i can't go on making excuses anymore...

don't want to push it anymore either...

>_<...

anyways... it's really your decision...

you know... how much i want it to be me...?

maybe i should stop comparing things with the past...

but the past was better... and there's NOTHING to look forward to...


back in the past when there were no contact lenses to complicate things...


so help me to understand... tell me that there's something to look forward to...

tell me i'll be healed...

at least so i know it's still worth it...

i finally fell asleep...

sidney's music woke me up... actually no... i woke up already... but i could hear his music... and i just needed to hear a "sorry" from some one... anyone at all....

hmm... just 5 lousy mins apart... if only i could last longer...

i dunno... but i guess it would really help... if there was a little something to go on... every now and then...

>_<

i think i'm typing this in my dream or something...

too much to ask for...?

i mean it's fine... we are all selfish people... anything that doesn't actually benefit us... why waste time on it right...?

it is really SO hard..?

should have known... why ask these questions then...?

sigh... just drawing the parallels for the answers to my doubts...

but i'm still waiting...

obviously it wasn't real....

well... i just don't want to ever experience having to hear the news over a chat on msn again... sucks you know... and how long did it last anyways...? lol... go figure...

so NOT worth it...
----------------------------------------------------------

anyways.. check this 2 vids out... quite funny.... one guy trying to do a music vid with himself, himself, himself, himself... and yes... himself... cool stuff actually... the fact that he had to do it all by himself... dancing 5 times to get all the parts in....

current song playing...

Brian Shieh- Nsync- Its Gonna Be Me @ Yahoo! Video

and bye bye bye...

Brian Shieh - Nsync -Byebyebye @ Yahoo! Video

i wish we knew...

i thought it was pretty encouraging....

cheryl did so too....

but then now what...?

i really don't know....

"i don't think you shuld do anything leh"...

right...


but cher... it's hard... the more it drags on... and you can't really compare yourself with me like that wad... YOURS DIFFERENT CASE... i know it takes time... but a part of me is really scared... don't know what to think anymore... most of the time it feels like i'm the only one going for it... all alone... i always thought it should be a happy feeling... and not like this....

but i'm okay....

"eh? japh! stop thinking so much!"

yea yea... and please stop bringing jean into every conversation...? haha...

... so it remains this way huh....


sigh...

disappointed la...

don't just say one thing and never do it.... worse still... do another thing completely different....



simply sick and tired....

when will people ever be more considerate or sensitive...



i freakin deserve better than this...

------------------------------------------------------------------------

must be nice to wake up... knowing that you could make or break a person's day through what you say... or the lack thereof of it...

come to think of it... if i were in the same class... i wouldn't really have bothered would i...?

so why do i bother now...? good question actually...

even if i bothered... you would have also taken it for granted... not appreciating my precious time... otherwise... i'd leave you to rot... blind go lead the blind... grab some out of this world answers from some one else close to you....

it's not a high and mighty stance....




because some effort would be nice....

maybe because the things i do don't matter much at all....

and as she took another step... with the wind blowing across her face... wiping the tears away... for the first time in a long time... she finally felt she was free....
- vague excerpt from some book.... (eh i don't remember la!!)

no one can fault me for not trying my best.... because i did... but being held back by circumstances beyond my control was never my choice since day 1.... who am i to argue if He decided that i'd have to walk this damn path then...?

imagine that... dumb freakin mirror... kena pwned by some reflective piece of glass....

i did ever think of pressing the shut off button... and let the wind blow across my face... and actually be free for once.... i remember telling myself if things didn't work out... i might just try that...

but i dont want them to misunderstand... people would definitely jump to the wrong conclusions... and no one would ever bother to realise the sum of my reasons....


it's true what li hong said what... "you morning let people bully you... work so hard... face so black... and then at night you emo because of.... eh seriously ah... your life sucks...."

crap la... i also know... BUT WHAT TO DO...?

it's not some simple cough, fever, flu or sore throat... wave one magic wand... sleep... next morning wake up and all is well already...

HEALED...

when did i realise it...?

probably when i was young... and my maid said that it would work... err... so apparently not then... thanks for trying anyways....

and i'd be crazy to even contemplate carrying on at it alone....


sigh...

the unpredictability of it all....

okay... i may have overeacted a little... but fact of the matter remains that the answer was known... but it wasn't being told to me....

i guess only guess why.... and the only possible explanation here is that people forgot... and not didn't know.... there IS a difference....

unfortunately the pictures don't lie....

i was hoping for better... but since we all know the same fact... is there really anything that defines where we are now...?


lol.... i'm wondering if it could get any crazier.....

----------------------------------------------------------------

eh but seriously.... i'm dying to go back to singapore to see the situation now.... must be... erm... weird to say the least...

----------------------------------------------------------------

poor cheryl.... but the guy probably wasn't worth it anyways.... the guy should always have to do the "hard work".... and put in the effort.... not the other way around...

------------------------------------------------------------------

so with certain people's new year resolutions already gone....

AND WITH NEWCASTLE PLAYING LIKE SHIT!!??!!?!!

what now...?

sigh... the unpredictability of it all....

nostalgia..!!!

omg the video so retro la..... ahaha....

but heck it's the type of song i can appreciate.... bubblegum pop and everything... yea... but at least i don't get a headache listening it to through and through.... and you still feel like bobbing your head to it... (or that's just me... lol...).... instead of the crap that is churned out these days... head throbbing even before the intro has ended...

lol at justin la... but it WAS cool....

at that time....

when things were much easier....

not that things are any different....

lets just say she OBVIOUSLY knew.... hell... i'm trying hard to believe that she didn't blatantly and purposely throw a lie right back in my face... because when you told me... it just clicked in my head today that i saw something similar to that extent... just almost a year ago....

and i guess he must have known too.... come on la... no one would have got it right just by chance....

so i'm inclined to believe in weite's theory to the entire thing (wad truth = friend... lie = keeping options open)..... haha... weird stuff... but more or less believable stuff...


case in point... people like me... have to take everything said with a pinch of salt... okay... maybe a heap... if it sounds bad... it's probably worse... if it's good... it's probably bad... and if it's really good.... it's a lie....

sucks....

-------------------------------------------------------------------

so most of last nite was spent going back to the past... glad that i was finally able to get some things off my chest after so long... hopefully clearing up any lingering confusion in the process...

but really... it wasn't a trick question at all....

---------------------------------------------------------------------

when will people realise that i'm not a target board for arrows....?

sometimes I wish I could, turn back time

impossible as it may seem....
But I wish I could, so bad, baby...
Quit playing games with my heart....

haha... yea... retro already... quit playing games with my heart...

but wasn't it so much easier then...?

before youtube and stuff... this song in midi took the blogging world by storm.... (ok la, mine only actually)... i used to upload it to whatever site could store it (angelfire, yahoo)... and simple html took flight from there... and then later on... when i could convert the mp3 into a smaller few kb wav version... lol... memories...

alas... crap... youtube has blocked embeding of the vids... and i can't get any other sites to autoplay theirs yet.... :(

anyways... i still like this song of YUI alot... it is the song that got us all hooked on her wad....



thanks to cheryl, yi hang and weite for always listening to my emo-ness... lol... and having to give their inputs... but sometimes it's always nice to have someone else to talk to... ah well...

yea... 'cos if it were me... i would have just left things at that... i mean if even after all that... i could still only get this type of answer... sucks really... but there's really nothing more to say or dispute isn't it....? but i guess it's just more or less about knowing when it's time to give it a rest...

anyways... still friends aren't we...?


oh oh..! i saw my mother-in-law... and sister-in-law on tv...!! ah... lemme see... my mother-in-law's tall... smart... but a real bitch... stiring shit with the other mothers... in front of the entire nation go and embarrass my wifey leh!! she is not stupid okay...! just a bit blur... and eh... my sister-in-law... a real tomboy... you know... looking like macham a punk rockster hairstyle... but still a skirt wearing one at that... weite likes her i think... haha... i still prefer the simple long hair older one la hor.... 甜兒!! <3<3<3

LOL... i'm just crapping....


i really missed the cheerier side of you....



edit: haha... bsb's as long as you love me... feels like being 12 again...

yahoo videos + a little googling as to the autoplay solved it...

or would it be better if it just remained a dream...

i could only ask...

ask like i've always done....

don't think i'm asking for too much... am i...?

i listed my reasons....

listing it like i've always done...

they are legitimate reasons... aren't they...?

it's almost an everyday usual plea .... why is this one so difficult then...? what makes it any different...? what was created... can be taken away so easily rite...?

and each day you realise that nothing's change... it just saps your faith... and you belief away... it's just hard... the mental and emotional hurt... no one can understand....


in the past... the reason was so that i wouldn't feel so hurt... but you know... things changed... and the most important thing now... isn't me anymore.... i want to believe that it was a sign too.... and if so... more than anything... the reason becomes so much more important....

damn it... the reason isn't me anymore!

because my happiness isn't important already... if it had to be at the cost of my own feelings... then so be it... i wouldn't be surprised at anything worse now....

i only want to give my best.... and nothing less...

otherwise... i just rather it was a dream...

so please.... take it ALL away...

relief....

i think anyone would be able to appreciate and understand how ironic the situation was...

but i guess at the end of it... i felt ultimately so relieved... more than anything else.... just pure relief...


at least there wouldn't be any week in week out "in your face" kind of gloating.... and yes... no "missing and uncontactable persons" type of phonecalls....


i just wish i knew what to do....

but it's really isn't within me...

wonder why everytime i talk to cheryl... we always end up she asking me for advice....

last last time... it was something about joining choir... if i remember correctly....

the last time... going to london... i think....

and well... recently... it's about this guy.... haha... yea... imagine that...

but in many ways... i really admire her courage... being able to initiate the call to clarify things and stuff before she goes back to london.... at least she cares about her own feelings more than i do... good for her then...

seems she managed to clear up some stuff... apparently the tables have turned... and the guy is the "i need time..." / "let's take it slow..." type... oh well... and at least he isn't taking advantage of the situation... happy for her la....

and since we were on the subject... i asked her for advice too... lol...

yea well... but it's really not within me to go and mess up a person's feelings or put stress on the other... especially if it's someone i like... i would want the person to be happy... and if it's at the cost of my own feelings... then so be it....

lol... then some how it got to me being a... and i quote... "long-term sort of guy".... and being "passive aggressive".... in other words... the type only interested in things that will last... and one that likes to do or say stuff repeatedly... subconciously or conciously... and hopes that the other party would get it.... (she managed to get the whole "i have nothing to go back to..." thing...)

impressive... and i must say i totally agree....


sighs...