i failed... so what?

so what if i failed my lit... but i'll always remember the lesson on tragic foreboding / foretelling...

because what i said... came to pass... albeit regretfully...

damn shakespeare... damn romeo... just shut up the next time round... and save us all the trouble...

He probably lost His patience with me... i had tested it one too many times...

the thought of it really sucks... and i want to forget... so help me... avoiding it is never going to be the solution...

you kept me in check all this while... now who's going to take over..?

still the same old... same old...

"it's the thought that counts..." ... bullshit... well it must be the gift then... well... then go ahead and give something nice and just hope... pluease... it's about the freakin person who gave it...

you taught me that...

past couple of days have been better... some ups some downs... but it's still alright...

but i guess it's the result that most people around would have wanted also... so good for you all... and another lesson learnt...

lol... it happened really fast okay... should have known better... can't blame me though... for a moment it did seem so... a little different maybe... sigh... still the same old... same old i guess...

most importantly... it did take both hands to clap...

however... i don't agree with the way it's being handled... but... much less anyone would care...

oh.. and stop making me cringe at the attempted pretence... the more you try... the worse it is...


was looking forward to having lunch with uncle shawn at yui restaurant (my treat leh!)... but power sun and some combined service extra long practice put a hold on it... too bad la...



just realised i like being at HQSA... people there are really nice... clement, kelvin, nicholas and jayson especially... my usual partners for breakfast... lunch and tea break... lol... and even those on despatch... khair, russell... and also caleb and shawn...

anyways... gonna be really sad when i get posted overseas (or out if i don't make it)... will miss the place very much...

those cryptic words...

sadly, it must have been the wind...

had trouble sleeping last night... just kept thinking... it kept replaying in my mind...

i tried hard to make it a nightmare... at least i would get some sleep... it just kept replaying...

held back throughout the day... but wasn't in the mood for much jokes already... one could tell my frustrations when even i could trash the usual players... it just kept replaying...

hmm... finally broke down during the ride home... closed my eyes to get some rest but i couldn't hold back... was already very tired... it just kept replaying...

the last time i felt this way... i told myself it would be the last...

sorry to disappoint man...

where did it all go so terribly wrong with you...? what did i do wrong...?

the whispering of the wind...

did i hear wrongly the other day...? or was the wind just whispering what i wanted so much to hear...?

was it a question or a statement?



so it's coincidence? forget i asked... who am i kidding anyways... it's painfully obvious... i simply laughed at your awful pretence...


if so, just tell him and we can stop all these second guessings.... NOW pls... hate it when he says stuff as if he doesn't know a thing... AS IF...

it's just the way i see things...

really like YUI's new song... and all it's emo-yness... and the chorus is exactly how i like it... chorus progression and stuff.... started to imagine how the music video would turn out... was telling eileen about it... lol... i want to be the director!!... for various reasons of course... haa....

attended service on sat... lol... not bad sia... the band got foreign talent... noah!... joked about it with uncle shawn over dinner... and somehow the "does my face look bright to you?" came up again... lol... sorry la... i know it's quite evil... but it's gonna remain a conversational topic for some time.... and looking at how uncle shawn's pouring chestnut water on his rice scenario exists till today for us to laugh at occassionally... it's in for a long long time...

service on sun was okay... but my hands are begining to feel a little numb on the keys... i should be striving to do better like everyone else... i want to... but... oh well... anyways... pkc lost 2 really good workers (as usual)... i mean seriously... no one really bothers to do up the slides properly... olivia (omg! she really looks like cheryl sometimes) is like the only exception... and lydia manages the sound system really well too... so best of luck to them... and too bad for pkc... heh... but the 2 guys in should be fine... for now...

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nothing else thus far about my overseas posting... almost everyone knows about it already... and is asking questions... but truth is nothing is totally 100% confirmed... waiting to do my medical... was kinda busy so i didn't get to it... and it's kinda like OTOT to go... so i'll wait till they realise it and hound after me to get it done... but i really can't think of a reason why i'll be unfit... army's just prolonging my agony but taking their own sweet time to give me the proper instructions and news...

i don't know... but i'll feel quite bad if i don't go in the end... like kinda got everyone worked up for nothing... like i told everyone a lie just to get some attention... argh... God know's best la...

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pretending like nothing's happen does help... but deep down... sooner or later i know i'll have to face it... there's just some question left unanswered... but i don't know when's the right time... but it'll come up some how... it's always that way with you isn't it?

namidairo...

had time to think about it... and my conclusion...?

i'll turn a blind eye...

instead of weighing myself down with constant thoughts... the could have beens... i choose to act like nothing has happened... i don't mind being the joke... i know it only too well...

in simpler terms... i'll act blur...

if only i could show you the colour of my tears...


Getting a feeling that I'm being disliked.. on the way home
Looking up at the brightness of the room
I wonder what kind of feelings I'm experiencing now

When we get into a fight I apologise immediately
I'm weak, and you are such a sly person

During nights when my tear-stained voice cannot be heard
I want to become wilful even if it means being a nuisance
Tried to say I'm alright but
That's not possible isn't it

I’m accustomed to seeing my sorrowful face reflected in the puddle
Because I'm fully aware of my intention not to say that I give up/in… I become hurt

Whenever I'm treated gently by you I will feel like crying, you’re really such a sly person afterall

During nights when my tear-stained voice cannot be heard
I want to become wilful even if it means being a nuisance
Tried to say I'm alright but
That's not possible isn't it

In front of you I’m such a liar you know
Kept thinking “I hope that you would realise this”
Because I’m not in the least that strong at all

Despite already deciding not to allow my tears to fall
I'm troubling you ain't I? I just can’t be wilful

Somehow once again I asked myself if I was alright but
That’s not possible isn’t it

i don't want it...

monday was a first for me... doing despatch not for documents... but actual new recruits... lol... pes e direct enlistment... so went there to pick them up back to my camp... BUT!... went to the enlistment centre before that... and saw the girls enlisting too!!... some not bad... totally changed my perspective of the fairer sex in the army.... especially the one in the "team singapore" t-shirt la (wah!! :P)... lol... but all going to navy and air force la i heard...




been rather tired the past few days... i can't stay up past 10... no reason for me to be awake either... for just to stare at a screen...?

i think it's pretty evident where things are heading... i will admit that it has affected me the past few days... anyways... it would be quite strange if i didn't... i'm not that devoid of feelings... i'm just still a little shocked thats all... but i believe there's a legitimate reason for whatever you are doing...

i just wish you could surprise me occassionally (in a good way)... and maybe take away the grind of my mundane days...

anyways i'm still okay... if you're kind enough to be wondering...

so what's the excuse now...?

had lunch with uncle shawn today at the tofu restaurant... jaime teo go before wan!!.... pretty good i must say... quite enjoyed each dish... was also in good mood 'cos it marks the end of my P-plate...! lol... that also means i haven't touched the steering wheel of a car in a whole year!...

unless you count daytona la... finally took revenge winning the advanced-manual competition... my cornering too pro...! but argh... beginner-automatic competition i lost... first time driving auto so don't really know how to handle the turns effectively...

heh... still a kid at heart...

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hmm... so was it a lie... what you told me...? to be honest... it kinda hurt... i mean seriously... i rather you not said anything like before... just hate being lied to... i'd like to find out why... but you know me... i'll just believe any tom... dick... or harry (booo redknapp!) excuse you come up with... as usual...

just want to see how this show plays out... fairly interesting from my point of view... anyone is welcome to join the ride...

sigh... i don't know... but the highway of chance just seems light years away...

you move sooo fast sia....

must admit... you move really fast...

you must be applauded for your efforts really... PLAYED A LITTLE DIRTY ... it's how you chose to do it... can't blame you... i'm not like that...

even i hadn't seen it coming...

but saying you moved fast would actually be saying that i was relatively slow... 'cos that i would seriously disagree...

i'm just a little sore 'cos it takes 2 hands to clap... which would mean...

don't think the path was even there for me walk...

must be true what they tell me about birds...

anyways, excuse me while i go sleep it off...

YUI's recent live performances

highway chance (subbed)


happy birthday to you you (with actions!!)


LIFE


rolling star


highway chance (another live perf)

holding back...

i tried hard not to let it affect me today... think i did well...

total time spent sad -> 1 min
total time spent disappointed -> 10 mins
total time spent depressed -> eh... still counting

i know... but it's good improvement already... truth is i'm surprised at the way i'm taking it... or rather holding back....

at least one can hide their depressed feelings... as i've always done... maybe the true impact hasn't had time to settle in yet... oh well... now you know how devious people can be... knives hidden behind a smile... why you slick and slimy... acted as if nothing had happened at all... thinking about it now... it makes all the sense...

worst of all...? they were supposed to be friends who could be trusted...

all's fair blah blah blah blah ... i guess...

looking through YUI vids on youtube now... will post them up later... do take a look ya?

tragically sweet or sweetly tragic...?

from enemies... to the best of friends...

woke up today after a dream that was 8 years overdue... but better now then 8 years ago... else it would never have been a reality for that fleeting moment in time... (it's still one of the things i hold on to as self-encouragement... it's nice to look back and realise the posibilities of what God would allow for me... i shudder to think if it wasn't part of my life...) 'cos dreams don't come true rite?... guess this only serves as a regretful reminder... at least we got to talk like back in the old days... i do miss it terribly much...

again! again! pretty pls?

just one question... what decides the supporting cast...? there was our friend with you... but lol... it was such random friend... and for the world of me... i had totally forgotten about that person... talk about latent memories... talk about a totally RANDOM dream in the first place... which makes me really want to study how dreams work....

and then there was another stranger (well, seemingly to me only) too... grrr... get lost la... lol...

exactly why i have never liked taking 184... *gasp*... *murmurs*

OH SHUT UP!

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february decides if i grab hold with both hands... or finally just let go... (ok now go repeat till it gets into my head...)

actually... i should learn to go easy on myself... not get bothered by petty/minute stuff... it doesn't matter if i look over my shoulder and dislike or feel threatened by what i see... whatever happens happens for a reason... and is meant to be... you on the other hand aren't of much help at all... totally confused at this point... and it's hard to talk anymore...

"birds of a feather, flock together" just sounds soooo wrong okay?

maybe i should do just that...

simply apprehensive...

i don't want to fall too deep... fall yes.... but still be able to pick myself up if need be... problem is... should i even step off in the first place...? just too many bad experiences weighing heavily...

should have treasured it more 8 years ago... a simple tissue when you cried would have made the difference...

should have seen the joke 4 yeas ago... but you were the only one i trusted at that time...

i saw a simple conversation taking place... but what bugged me wasn't what was being said... but rather who started it first... this maybe selfish... i sure hope it wasn't you...

i really don't know anymore... but maybe come feb... everything would become as clear as crystal...

still half-half on the overseas posting... but realised i have shaun and daniel who are going overseas too... so hopefully we get to go to the same place... at least i won't be alone... and it'll be easier to fit in.... just don't wanna think about the duration yet...

maybe a touch of confidence would do me good now... or should i stay simply apprehensive about things....? maybe i just wish you would stay out of my dreams.... 'cos dreams never come true...



so i'm finally am searchable on google... good or bad thing?... heck... and technorati tells me a grand total of 2 linked to me... and i didn't even ask you guys to do so... thanks heaps... totally appreciate it...

uncle shawn already...?

"i can't believe shawn is getting married!"

well... whoever was the one who said that was right on the money... anyways... i'm totally happy for him... wouldn't have missed this occasion for the world..! (except if YUI had a concert ya?.... shhh....)

one of the most enjoyable weddings i must say... but true to his character... how could it ever be boring?... started out with a simple p&w... songs were all riddled with his signature style and accents... and then went on to the message by ps hong... and of course the solemnisation... pretty funny stuff... especially when he asked which hand to put the ring on which was caught by the stage camera... and also when he helped his wife through her vows... which was also kinda sweet...

and then of course it was time for the FOOD!!... and no... it wasn't your typical rice... bee hoon... fish balls... fried chicken and curry vegetables buffet... this one had sushi... meat cooked in sauces i've never heard before... lasagna... and even a laksa point... AND EVEN HAD WAITRESSES!!... power sia... eat finish i was just standing there talking... got people come take my plate from me and help me throw... where to find such service...?

so waited until it was only just me, jr and reu left.... before i finally said out the comment that was on everyone's mind...

"eh, just now that waitress quite chio hor...?"

"haha... yar... not bad la..." jr agreed...

reuben probably pretended not to notice... "huh? which one?"... or issit that army guys having learnt field craft and target indication are able to spot "targets" better...? lol... just joking la... but it's testament to my commanders that i haven't forgetten what they taught me... haa... (Evan gave the lesson by the way...GIRLRO!)

after that it was on to another "target"... but this time was whether the waiter/waitress was a guy or girl... think most of them were wondering too... so reuben started off with the observation that he/she was wearing pants... as compared to the other "chio" waitress in skirt... jr countered that the other older waitresses were also wearing pants... (officer is officer la... observant!)... my idea was to wait until he/she went toliet... reuben countered that he/she might use the disabled one... -_-"... argued a little more... before it was time to take pictures...

so after everything done ... supposed to play daytona... who knows reuben had other ideas up his sleeve... people go sixth ave eat ice cream... must follow... zzz... i dumbly followed along... yea... sooo accomadating... more like sooo extra... wth la... i'd rather watch glue dry... something i've been doing for the past few days... next time nobody invite... don't go la...

anyways, congrats to shawn once again...

(okay this takes some getting used to)

*ahem*... uncle shawn!