it's been quite a ride....

you know... coming here... my purpose...

they said i could draw closer... suddenly it seems that i was even further then i acutally realised... how far could i have fallen back...?

actually... you watch 薇安 and somehow you realise how different things could have been... then is there really anything to be thankful for...?


deep down God... you know that i know... but... other than that... it doesn't seem much right...? is that enough...?

i doubt it...


not what i signed up for...


not what i expected...



and i'm guessing You know the reason why i'm so far away... sheesh... it's a never ending loop eh...? so try to forgive me...

------------------------------------------------------------------

damn it... i thought you were better than that... or maybe you might have taken something from what i have done... even a teeny bit...

anyways if i had something like that say last april or begining of may... i would have been erm... happy... maybe...

but now...

lol... speechless maybe...? i really don't know how to put it... or maybe i can't believe it...

forget it... i don't know how i should react... so i'll sleep on it...



or is it i don't care anymore...?

so let me dream...

heard this song on 薇安's guestbook... i think it's okay... don't really understand the whole sophia slash "so-fire" slash sapphire thing... but i guess there's some story behind it...

oh well... you know... lol....


it's been almost a good 3 weeks now... maybe there isn't really any more point to it anymore...

maybe when you really believe in something... you really take at face value what the other person says... you would never stop to actually think how stupid to outrageous it might actually be... because you want to believe in it so much...

and now looking back... the it was all there... and they were freakin obvious... and obviously legitimate fouls....

------------------------------------------------------------------

i suddenly realised this week that there is more... and so much more out there... and even though i may not stand any chance... i can dream can't i...?

so let me dream... because my dream just had a whole new spelling to it... or you could just say it was perfect... exactly how it was drawn in my imagination... in my dreams... and if it could come to life it would exactly be this...


and if anyone asks how i realised this... i'll tell them... but they'll never believe it...


---------------------------------------------------

i wonder what people would say... do... i wonder what would happen....

one bad fall....

if it's anything i learnt...


it's that i thought there would have been at least a little bit of compassion...


not much to ask i hope...


but i was the only one who actually bothered to plan... care... give...



so this experience and pain.... it's well worth it....


from now on it's don't ask don't say... don't talk....