but why is it so hard...?

yea... so it's kinda time when the dose of reality bites again...

and i'm left feeling so afraid and uneasy...


they all say to move on... not to put too much hope...

but i'm sorry i can't...

anyone who knows me... knows that i've never been so serious before... nothing has actually meant more to me... nothing has actually made me reflect so much on this lousy life...


i was reading... and i learnt that jacob had to work for it... but am i not doing so...? every single day is a test and challenge that i have to overcome emotionally... physically... and mentally... with no end in sight... i'm really sorry for the side track off the path... but i'm tired of doing it alone...

i wish so much that He would have written some one else into my current path... but i guess He would have already done so if He wanted... or just maybe He wants to see how far i'd go before breaking...

yea well... soon... really soon...

i don't get it... after holding my hand for the first 12 years... You let me go without even seeing if i could tread water... if i could balance myself on 2 feet... and to top it all off... a sickness that would essentially leave me on the path alone... unable to ask for help...

wow... good one...

the only possible way to explan it... is if you were asked to clean a wok with your bare hands.... without any water or detergent... yea right... 'cos no one's stupid enough to aid you in an impossible task... and well... no one else is going to use the wok unless u get it cleaned really... the dirt... grease... and grim will forever be imprinted on the surface....

so go figure....


but if anything... i'm really happy for the company so far....