why of all times now...?

it should have been settled already...

but why of all times now...? there was a sense of disappointment at how everything had played out... why couldn't things stay status quo...? and out of the blue i had to have THAT dream... the dream that would seal my thoughts... my feelings... and determined how i reacted to things... why of all times now?

never more have i wanted to be different.... WRONG!... never more have i PRAYED to be DIFFERENT... some one good enough... it just isn't being fair to me at all... i put in my all... and more than that...

CONFIDENCE? not gonna help you one bit... damn that dream.... it hurts my friend... it hurts...

but it's simply my fault... my faulty days of purpose...

transitions...

well... so if there's no major mix-up and everything goes "well"... i'll be posted overseas in feb... not exactly keen on it... but it doesn't matter what i think right?


was kinda looking forward to a nice ending... and i couldn't even get a scene right... a simple request unfulfilled... not many chances left...

i seriously thought you would feel that little bit... i was wrong... i hate to be wrong...

transitions... transitions... my friend... know your limits... it's always been better that way...

note to self: have a look at the path you walked... realise how dumb it was?

just how much to hear those words... would be my perfect ending....

could i have a highway chance pls?

figured.



enjoy my favourite song...

merry christmas all...

hope everyone's having a good holiday...

can't help thinking about tmr... block leave over... start army life again... counting down to ORD... it's khatib camp mind you... how how how far...? and i don't even know if i have to stay in or not... but both staying in and travelling to and fro from camp are both equally just as bad.... i really don't wanna stay in though...

hmm... admin support asst.... okay lar....



OMG IT'S YUI!!! <3 <3 <3

yay... my new display pic... don't think the scanning did it justice... best i could get it already though... had to stay in church till 7 to get it... really tiring... but well worth the wait la... lol... thanks eileen...


251009 is so far away... still hope to defer in between for uni...

sigh....

when then can ORD???

if every week was like this....

what the title has to do with the entry i really don't know.... but i'll change it when i can think of a better one...

so the last few days have been quite ok... catching up with sleep... catching up with anything other than tekong... enjoyed myself mostly... being away from tekong does have its perks... i'll do a quick summary of the last few days...

friday
lunch with shawn... ordered the thai set meal for 2... but he doesn't take the tom yam soup... and he didn't really eat much of the rest of the dishes either... but the fish was nice...

then it was IMM with benjamin and daniel... didn't buy anything 'cos nothing caught my fancy... think they felt a little bad because i didn't buy anything... but really la... uncle tastes... don't see anything nice... maybe i need help... then on to dinner... took pictures of the food... (wadever for?)... and then home sweet home...

saturday
catch up on sleep... CHECK.

monday
HITMAN... MR 47... went with clem and reu to watch it... nice to finally see a proper game hero on the big screen... personally i thought it was quite nice... but they changed the base story a little.... it's clones la... not unwanted children... and it's a tad overtly bloody... anyways hope they do a sequel... then played daytona for a while... lost all the rounds... but it won't be that easy next time...

tuesday
fell sick... coughed till had chest pains... so slept through most of the day... peroidically waking up for a game of dota....

rewind to sunday
no... i didn't forget sunday... just thought it'll be better placed last...

went for chinese service... no translation... so didn't really get most of what was being said... but it was nice for a change... kinda refreshing... seeing a different praise and worship... even if it was for one song... eh... whose fault ah?

after service... went down to pkc with eileen to pass some time... waiting for her grandparents for lunch... said my hellos to the people there... nice to see most of them again after missing church for 3 weeks... suddenly everyone gave me some weird stare and head movements as if to ask...(ok some did actually ask)... "eh, who's that? your gf ah?"... i tried my best to reply with a look on my face which i hope signaled..."duh... no la...of course not... she's only here to find wen jing"... sheesh... the conclusions people jump to just because things happen slightly differently... strangely... i saw some of them heave sighs of relief after that... i wonder why....

proceeded to lunch... tried to eat as quietly as i could... faced down... grandparents asked questions... i answered where i could... the grandmother even said she carried me before... but of course wrong person la... grandfather talked about difficulties serving God 'cos you do have to deal with Man at the same time... then they asked about my parents and stuff... i nod.... and eileen goes... "i've never seen your father before..." oops... okay... here's where i have to apologise for misrepresenting myself... it's sort of easier to just nod and "hmmm..." your way through... rather than explain things out (in CHINESE mind you)... i seriously seriously seriously forgot what "divorced" was in chinese at that point... so yea... don't shoot me... i really didn't mean it... didn't want to spoil the lunch mood... sincere apologies once again...

met up with shawn... asks me to become his 3rd photographer... wah lau... i tried my best to decline... until eileen shouts out to take turns... i respond with a meek "orh".... and shawn says it's not fair... hullo... people suddenly shout like that... no chance to think properly of how to reply mah... anyways... it's not that i want to be difficult or anything in not helping... it's just that... when i was young... i remember helping out and doing some stuff for other people... but didn't really turn out the way they wanted it to... and i got blamed for it... anyways i tried my best already... so ever since then... anything i know i can't do properly... i try not to... it's much safer for everyone...

after that it was back to church to see shawn's wedding video... usual fanfare of old to new pics... nothing really "wow" about it... but still nice la... simple... sweet... and to the point...

all that said and done... we splitted up for practice... hmm.. hands felt a little weird on the keyboard after so long... hoped i played okay... amazing how they are always able to find a new kid to sing every year... anyways... the songs were fairly simple... and i had jr and clem beside me... so it wasn't that bad... time actually passed by quicker than i realised for the first time... had a second round of lunch... and went home...

....

back to the present
so there... my week... hoped you enjoyed your week and enjoyed reading mine... still not feeling too well... so help pray for me if possible...

POC loh! (so what?) well... it's private

so here's my final entry for the duration of my BMT... was freakin tired and busy with camp mates... thus doing it onli now....

as expected POC was nothing more than a day of shit work... was in stretcher party... very slack job... watching others doing their POP... some dropped their rifles... wonder what would happen to them... but none fainted....

then there was lots of area cleaning to do... stand by universe and what crap... but again nothing i couldn't handle....

next came a group of disgruntled people who felt shortchanged that we didn't have anything basic much less a fancy parade to signify our passing-out.... ah well... lets see... 11 men at the back in the morning... factoring in the rest who would chao keng and join the back when told of a impending parade... factoring in excuse upper limb, lower limb, rmj, firearms, uniform... and WHO ON EARTH DO WE HAVE LEFT? ENOUGH FOR YOUR DAMN PARADE? WAKE UP LA... talk big onli...

but okay la... there is that minor sense of pride when your parents come down and wear the cap for you... but wadever la... the sergeant was nice enough to give us our own cap tossing session...

and so i left tekong... hopefully for good... didn't leave on a good note with my section... but amazingly i became good friends with another section... and i'm thankful... those are nice people... people who speak my language... at my level... and don't act like 8 year olds... it's so common among people here... freakin childish monkeys... hope for more outings together with them... more dota sessions...

had our first outing last nite... steamboat at marina bay... after that some one suggested we stay out for the night... and thus... lol... wad happened next would stay etched in my memory forever... an interesting but fun experience i would say... come ask me personally if u wanna know the exact details...

anyways... the background song's finally changed... NO MORE TEKONG! (i mean tokyo)... so it's december now... nearing christmas... and what better fitting song than... winter hot music...?

lol... enjoy... sorry for the haphazard entry this time round... doing this in 5 mins... will make changes later on if neccessary...

just saw your dp... oh well... you really do look happy

when pictures hurt more than sticks and stones...

it's just so easy for you isn't it?

just might do something lame tomorrow if i'm desperate enough...

just a little more....

so as expected... He worked... magic pen or not... just wanna thank Him... but preferbly not keep me on the edge for too long next time... lol

2 more days to POC!

fairly slack week... some sleeping involved throughout the day...just mostly sai kang and the 8km route march of note... recruits' nite was highly disappointing...

thought i would be able to get some sleep at nite this week... unfortunately not... the training nitemares continued... YUI doesn't seem to do the trick anymore... well for one nite at least... it was something different... "nice"... but i didn't really appreciate it...

then on sat afternoon... it was the usual nitemare again... but with a twist... who was that as my platoon sergeant...? usually the faces of people who you don't know in dreams are kinda blury.... but this was pretty clear... a case of tragic forboding perhaps...? you know... i seriously wouldn't mind....

who was she?

ditto all those quiet weeks...

could sense the reluctance... still thanks anyways...

and have i mentioned...? 2 more days to POC!!!

oh and finally a change of song...

all in a week's work....

finally have the time to sit down and make an entry... nothing much to say though...

and how on earth do u appraise people you have sooooooooo little contact with?

heck... "friendly and easy to talk to"... ctrl c... ctrl v... my nose gets ever longer... what crap... what bullshit...

so it was field camp this week... fairly tiring... but fun... enjoyed all the proning and rolling in the mud... especially the occasional grenade drills... lol... didn't have to stay out being L9... went back to the bunk to sleep... but am glad i was able to... just 30 mins in the basha hiding from the rain was enough to convince me that i wouldn't be able to have a good night's sleep... freakin hard and uneven ground would have done wonders for my back...to make it even sorer... worse still if it had rained heavily.... i would have been washed away.... don't think my little drainage system would have worked... heh

oh yea... didn't have to do BIC either... oh well... doesn't really matter to me...

anyways... had to hand in our handphones, wallets and mp3s so as to simulate outfield conditions... no personal comforts... seems i was the only stupid one to fully follow instructions... others handed in wallets without money... keeping all the coins to be able to buy drinks from the vending machine... while some still kept their mp3s... as it wasn't really mentioned during briefs... how "obedient" of me.... yea yea

damn... a full 4 days without YUI before going to sleep... no wonder i couldn't sleep well at all... had dreamless sleep the first 2 nights... but then started having army nightmares... in which i was up and training... while i was asleep... hard to explain... but i really didn't sleep well at all...

surprise and disappointment all in a week...

surprise and joy!

but after field camp and nada...?

are you playing a cruel joke on me? or is it their fault?

had a look at the past and didn't like what i saw... oh the differences...

oh nvm...

i miss saturdays more and more....