the one obstacle...

it's the feeling of so close yet so far.... making me feel so alive... and inadequate at the same time....

because whatever i do.... in the end... i still have yet to get past myself....

and for that simple reason... i'll never be good enough.... do you understand the meaning of never...?

why..? it's just not fair....

does He hear me each nite...? does He even care...?

when going to bed each nite is just sadness... and you pray that somehow... He will finally answer that one prayer... and waking up... the first second of hope... then realising that it's still the same.... same... same disappointing life....

rinse and repeat...


i just want to be good enough... is that so much to ask of Him...? does He not see where the problem lies...? He hears... He sees... i'm sure He understands.... but i'm lacking that trigger... to which it would convince Him to do so.... because until He heals it all... i'll never feel complete... and never be able get past the one obstacle that has held me back since i can remember.....


i really can't afford to lose this.... it's the last chance i'm giving myself... and if it fails.... all i can say is that certain things in my life will have to be reviewed...

not something i'm looking forward to....



God... you know me... you understand right...? help me... give me a chance to make things right... take away all this unfairness please.... take it all away... i've had enough of this feeling... i've had enough of it.... please heal it all...