i don't need to reminded of me....

as each day passes... it's sinking in further and futher.... i already know that i won't be entitled to anything... i should deserve nothing... and it wouldn't surprise me at all if it turns out that way in the end....

but please stop reminding me.... i don't need it coming from anyone else... you think I don't know where I stand...? oh please...


because it should be that way... no one else should have to suffer... or bear any pain... be it physical, mental or emotional.... and least of all... sigh...

isn't there anyone that will encourage me... tell me it's okay... that i shouldn't have to worry... that life goes on...? sprout the crap that there are people worse off....?

seriously... all i ask... all i need... is for some one to help in my prayer... to help me to believe in what i am losing hope in.... agree with my prayer and give me the boost of faith that might so be the key...

i guess it's too much to ask.... i wish it weren't so....



though i guess if after so long... and after everything... ghosts still linger... things couldn't suck more could it...?


where do we go from here..?

possibly to the end i dread so much.... but expect... and i only have myself to blame....





merry christmas guys....