it could be i was just being stupid...

i still remember the events that flashed through my head when cco asked what i had learnt during the past 1 year...


the stress...
the pain...
the arguments...
the misunderstandings...
the stubbornness....
the insensitive....
the repetitiveness...
the laziness...
the outright daring...
the advantage-takers...
the unfairness...
the politics...
the ungratfulness...
the disappontments...

the feeling of being all alone...


i remembered the times i was all alone in office with the pile of work... close to tears... and then looking around and at my phone... realising that there was simply no one i that i could call for help or just a little encouragement... especially so during the weekends...

or even the few hours i was lying in hospital after my accident....

just then some one comes into the office and asks if i could check his leave balance...


SO WHAT THE HECK IS YOUR DOCU CLERK FOR YOU IDIOT...? AND NO... I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE TRAINING SPEC IS....!!!


newcastle gets relegated... once close friends and people that i like are leaving or have left... even you are slowly and surely slipping away from my life...


so sir.... i've learnt that the past year wasn't worth it at all... yes i would have been more miserable back home... but this wasn't how i expected things to be... all the effort and feelings that i've put into everything this one year plus... i've gotten nothing in return...

lol... but i couldn't tell you that could i...?

thus... i've learnt absolutely nothing...


or rather maybe that the effort i put out and the results i reap are usually inversely proportional... unfortunately... i only believe in giving my best in everything i do... it's really too bad then...