these things do happen after all....

had to go do air ops to pick up more training troops again... was supposed to wake up at 3am... ended up jolting myself awake at 3.15...

no time to wake myself up with a proper bathe... heck it...

good thing the tie was still in the bag... grabbed it... and lumbered out the door... got up the minibus... sent out the sms... still wondering whether it would reach... i fell alseep.... nothing much then on the journey... 'cept for a huge bump... when i shouted "wtf..." which later they made fun of...

the day was just begining....

so i stood at my usual place... occasionally mutterng "customs, exit... turn left..."

i had already seen dinosaur... geraj... and melvin walk past me yesterday...

just then... some one walked back... and caused a minor jam... and then i saw him... that lucky sob... he who got what i so wished for myself... well that was then....

anyways... it's not so much his fault... but it brought back the memories to which i draw parallels from as to what is happening now... to hell with deja vu...

thanks to the major exams... it was over for them... and so i sensed blood... met up a few times then on the pretext of passing "the sims" games over... i refused to raise any hope or emotions... neither did i attempt to stir anything more in the friendship... till one fine day i woke up to the nightmare...

lol... it was my fault after all... although deep down i wanted more to happen... i was still content with the status quo... yea... so there was the certainty of disappointment... but then again... this feels worse... any blind bat would know it was a fucked up choice that was made... ('cept their "friends"...) i remembered even chong wei at that time was laughing when i whined about it... he too couldn't believe it....

game over la....

but i still don't know whether it's more of the certainty of disappointment... or being content to remain just status quo that holds me back...

somethings just matter too much to you then you'd care to admit... maybe thats the reason why i hold back...

maybe it's the lack of sleep and the new idiotic guy in the office... me = finance clerk... nothing more... nothing less... so get off my back everytime you see me...

maybe these things just do happen after all... no matter what i do....