waiting to fall asleep... to be who i want to be...

they told you that you had a path just for you...

you envisioned that path... thought of how great it could be...

and as with any great adventure... they always found people to aid them along the way... with a "prize" some where along there too... and ultimately working towards that destination / goal / insert word that you want to call the "end"....

you saw all of that for yourself too.... and that's what they said... and it was like that for them...

and so it was like that.... you started your journey with gusto and as much determination to finish... you were full of yourself that it was no kick... nothing could deter you...

heck... you even had a taste of the "prize".... but alas... false alarm... but you knew... you were on the right track...

and then it went all down hill from there....

what you found out... that it was all untrue...

so you retraced your steps.... thinking you might have done something wrong along the way to cause this... you realise that there were definetely many wrongs you had commited... but then again... how much different were others... so that couldn't have been the cause... and with all that discouragement... it soon becomes impossible to turn back... and you just proceed with what you have... hoping that you would still be able to rectify things some how... but it's beginng to sink in how impossible it is....

what sucks is that.... it was never your decision.... it was never your call....

and then you give up.... and you ask the question weighing on your mind...

how could someone else's be so perfect.... yet yours so serverely fucked up... is seriously beyond understanding...


but they would never understand... and they wouldn't come back and help... what made it worse... is that they merely looked back and shaked their heads... and some even criticised... but still you know where they were coming from... you could understand why they behaved that way.... you only hoped that they would walk a day in your shoes and understand why things were that way....

discouraged as you are... you plod on... cos you know that all roads lead home... and if you managed to reach the end without falling off... you would be able to give yourself a pat on the back... and know it was a job well done...

and for that to happen.... there would have to be some conversation.... some understanding inbetween... but who is going to speak first...? it's something you would have to settle with Him...

because if this goes on... it wouldn't matter anymore...

and you would hate for that to happen...


surely you know by now... how much you are of help to me.....?